As an overzealous thinker, I’ve been searching for many years for a perfect diet - for the foods that will fill me with energy and provide the basis for health of my body and mind. Time and time again I’ve fallen prey to the illusion that “this diet will fix me”. I’ve tried various diets, I’ve spent time eating strictly meat free, eating mostly raw foods, eating mostly cooked foods, eating anything, refraining from sugar, refraining from artificial colours and processed foods, eating certain combinations of food in each meal, fasting, juicing….

And yet it seems to me that I’ve never really had a good relationship with food. When I was young, I didn’t like to eat a lot of things. I often struggled through meals, I ate agonizingly slowly [I remember once taking 3 hours to eat a salad, just sitting at the table failing or forgetting to eat or chew]. Later I sought highs in sweets and all manner of chemically created candies; I had begun to experiment with the effects on my mind of what I put into my body. As I came to realize the downside, I began to refrain. And refrain. And refrain some more. This food is bad. That food is bad. I’ll stick to this diet - these foods will be allowed, those will be bad. I had missed the point.

Yes, I achieved some good things, vegetarianism worked wonders for my mood and energy and lightness, but only for a few months, and then I felt ill and weak, and fortunately, my dreaming self knew how to reach me - a dream of a flying bacon sandwich.. Delicious! And I returned to the world of the meat-eaters, and promptly felt better, stronger, more vigorous once more. But I soon also felt more foggy in mind, more subtle energies were no longer visible or tangible to me.

Many of the lessons I had been taught during these experiments have only just become accessible to me, I’ve only just begun to really benefit from the experiences I had. I’ve opened my mind and expanded the picture to give these things a more accurate context. I often talk of the science-spirituality divide in the same way, it is not that they are at odds or incompatible, just that they are not viewed within a large enough framework.

As my senses have improved, I learn from my body much more quickly about what nourishes it and what doesn’t, yet still I have some fixed ideas about certain foods being “bad”. Even if I base that on experience, how old is that experience? If I am not who I was then, would it effect me differently now? That’s something to consider, if we take the past with us as something set in stone, refusing to acknowledge the new information that this moment gives us, how can we expect to make enlightened choices?

So then, I’ll bring out the metaphor which inspired the title of this post here. We may consider food to be our body’s fuel. So many of us focus on refining that fuel, trying to work out that special diet which allows our body to function at its very best. But what we so often fail to realize - and I see just how much this has directed my entire relationship with food - is that it doesn’t matter how good the fuel is if we have a madman behind the wheel.

The heart that speaks,
Speaks for no man.

When our heart speaks to us, it is as if the heart of the universe speaks, and it does not speak for us alone, but for all things. Thus, listening to your heart will serve you well, but it will serve others just as well too. This is the true meaning of harmony, and this is the true meaning of loving our neighbours. Listen well, for all you need to know is here in this moment to be heard.

Let tears descend upon you,
Let grief be your awakening.

Often we need to break through the unreal in order to experience the real (and thus the part of life and ourselves that brings us true and deep peace and fulfillment).  There can be many reasons for holding back our tears, but none will lead to freedom.

In a fleeting moment of hope,
I opened my heart-
And was shattered upon the rocks. 

Is it any wonder we find being open and vulnerable so difficult, when it seems possible or even certain that we’ll be destroyed by it? Perhaps then, we can only hope that when we go through destruction, we will see that we are not what we thought we were, and it was only the illusion that was destroyed.

And if Life should not meet me where it falls,
Where shall we meet? 

I have been pushing the boundaries of my creativity and intuition lately; for too long I have put stock firstly and foremostly in the thoughts and opinions of others, and it is time to let my own heart guide me instead of seeking knowledge outside of myself so desperately. The Path of the Heart is sure to take me somewhere I have yet to imagine, it’ll be interesting to see what I am able to bring back with me to share with you all.