Freedom From Ideals
In the scheme of things, you may think ideals are brilliant things to have. Some lofty aspiration could be just the thing to keep pushing you on towards better things, to live a fuller, healthier and more successful life. Imagine the Hero, living with aspirations of ultimate nobility and goodness, fighting the darkest of the dark villians. This is something we can all get behind.
Still, every ideal we have creates a comparison between who or what we want to be, and who or what we are in this moment. It is this comparison that causes us the most amount of suffering in life. The larger the gap between what we want to be and what we are or think we are, the larger the pain. So while it might seem a good idea to idealize some ultimate version of yourself and of your life, with ultimate health, beauty, riches, generosity, love, confidence, intelligence, sports skill, sexual finesse, humour and bravery, is it worth it if it’s only going to bring you pain in the mean time?
There is nothing wrong with having aspirations, nor desires, but we must use them effectively to be of benefit and to minimize the suffering they might otherwise create. It may seem against logic and reasoning to say “I’m ok as I am, and I can be better still,” but that’s just what you have to say if you want your desires and ideals to work for you instead of against you. It is that statement of being ok as you are in this moment that bridges the gap between experience and future ideal, and allows you to fully accept this current moment without holding back or resisting it in any way. Because, in the end (if such a thing can exist?), any ideal is a figment of the future, and thus imagination, unless you’re living it right now (and if you are, then it isn’t an ideal, it’s just how you’re living).
If you’re anything like me, or the majority of people, there’ll be parts of you now screaming in horror at the idea of saying you’re ok as you are, that you don’t need to get any better or improve in any way. There’ll be parts of you that will accuse you of laying down and dying by accepting yourself the way you are, as if acceptance means never improving ever again. But in any situation, the logic is undeniable. If you demand things to be other than they are, there will be pain, because things can never be other than they are. If you accept things as they are, then there’s no problem.
If you’re poor and you want to be rich, it’s only a problem if you let that aspiration cause you pain (if you place a condition on the quality of your life and happiness being tied to whether you are rich or not, saying poor is bad and rich is good in other words). If you are more willing to be lots of things, because you know deep down that you’re ok whatever happens and whatever your external circumstances are, then things will trouble you a lot less. For most people, the idea of being in debt is a terrifying and stressful one, but when you can follow the road down to it’s conclusion with worst case scenarios and still being ok with that, then the problem disappears. You’re in debt, so what? You lose your possessions, so what? You end up on the streets, so what? These are extreme cases, and in my fear I haven’t gone all the way to the ultimate ideal, that of living instead of dying, but often you’ll find a whole load of little fears along the way that you have that when actually examined really are “so what?”.
This may all seem rather dire and defeatest, but I wouldn’t be saying it if I didn’t think it was beneficial. The simple truth is, the less things are a problem, the less stress and anxiety you’ll feel. And the less anxiety you feel, the more you can play with life, relax and enjoy it, and by the irony of all ironies, be better equiped to achieve those ideals and aspirations that you left by the wayside back there. If you’re continually worrying about things going wrong, where will you find the energy to help things go right?
If there is one feeling to remember then when it comes to any sense of ideal or desire, it is this: play. If you can play with your ideal and desire, then it isn’t serious. And if it isn’t serious, then you can relax. And if you stay the same for the rest of your life (which is impossible, of course), it’ll all be ok, because you know what? You’re ok, no matter what.
“You’re alright, you’re alright, you’re alright.” - From ‘Simon’, by Lifehouse.