Slipping Through The Cracks
Sometimes I have moments where my consciousness seems completely transported. In a peak moment of relaxation or post-exercise, I can spontaneously get sucked into a memory, not just living it how was back then, or being a person thinking back to an old time, but literally experiencing that person again from my own timeframe. This is not some foggy and lifeless or rose-tinted memory but a direct experience of new consciousness. I have no doubt that this indicates an ending of time, a realization that all that we were, are and will be, including all that we could ever think or feel, happens at once, and thus simultaneously exists. Slipping through the cracks to other times and places and other versions of ourselves, and skipping the tracks as it were is thus possible, under certain circumstances.
Similar things can also happen in the space between being awake and being asleep. The sense of self we usually carry can slip away, and we can experience something else entirely, perhaps liberating, perhaps frightening. All we know is who we are, and the absense of this makes for some pretty wild happenings. You can be forgiven for thinking you are losing your mind, in a way you are. A leap in reality such as this is disorientating. It is not just this thought, then that thought, as per our usual flow of thought and consciousness, it is a complete break, a skip of the needle landing us back down elsewhere on the record. Without that continuity, life is not as we know it, and neither are we.
During these moments, we experience other parts of us, parts that are normally out of awareness. Needless to say, these can be most rewarding and educational, but also potentially debilitating, creating paranoia, delusions and even schizophrenia. Shamans of old would enter into this sort of thing by choice, to gain knowledge, healing and power for their tribe, and modern day practicioners can still be found, giving a new beat to an old tune, and journeying into strange lands with strange (or not so strange) animals to meet with, well, whatever they choose to meet with. In such lands anything is possible, like dreamlands, and symbolism abounds. I am one such practicioner, and I’ve been known to journey here and there to learn a bit, to step out of the box of my usual thinking and come back with some interesting insights and ideas (messages from me to me, I like to think of it as).
The key thing in all exploits into altered states of consciousness, intentional or otherwise, is to be prepared. And the one true preparation is groundedness. Being grounded and rooted here in this body and this life doesn’t preclude spirit journeys out and about among the wildness and weirdness of the universe and into other places, times and focal points and dimensions, but actually allows the possibility of it all the more, for being rooted, one can be more certain of safe return (and a part of us knows this before letting us fly off willy nilly never to return). Building a strong foundation is the key, learning to breathe deeply, to sink down well in your body maintaining balance and uprightedness (merging with gravity in other words), and practicing to focus your awareness on your thoughts, feelings and senses (your moment-to-moment experience of life, that is).
“The deeper the roots, the higher the branches.”
July 26th, 2006 at 3:50 am
A leap in reality such as this is disorientating. It is not just this thought, then that thought, as per our usual flow of thought and consciousness, it is a complete break…
This experience can last moments, days, weeks, even months. Small moments are easily handled, bigger ones may prove more problematic. Ultimately, what these moments seem to do is to displace the known self (what some might call the ego) through polishing away, jostling, even complete collapse. When this process occurs slowly over a sustained period of time we might call it spiritual growth, when it occurs very rapidly, we might call it spiritual emergency.
Meanwhile, you may enjoy this…
I then felt some part of myself slip down through the crack in the pavement, down to the underworld, while another part of myself remained upon the pavement. I am currently trying to make further sense of this experience in relation to Ancient Egyptian belief, as, certainly during the early dynasties, they had a working knowledge of the Land of the Dead, much of which has been fortunately rediscovered, and is known to us as The Egyptian Book of the Dead.”
Source: Embracing the Fragmented Self: Shamanic Explorations of the Sacred in Schizophrenia & Soul Loss
July 26th, 2006 at 2:01 pm
Thank you for your comment! There’s certainly much scope of discussion on such a subjective subject as this. All we have are our own interpretations and experiences, our own individual realities, and with the universe so vast and infinite, the possibilities are endless, and we all come away with some pretty unique ideas about how we like to or don’t like to interpret it.
In the end, I’ve dabbled with many different viewpoints, bringing things together where I’ve understand that to be possible and preferable for my own wellbeing and usefulness.
The proof of the pudding is in the eating of course, so I’d advise people to consider that, especially if the system they are using at the moment isn’t working for them. And this is particularly true of any system which all too easily writes someone off as crazy or insane (though in some cases this is true and accurate and for the good of the society such people must be dealt with to keep that society safe).
In short then, remember that no treatment is infallible, no person all-knowing, and no outlook intrinsically good or bad.
July 27th, 2006 at 1:13 pm
In the end, I’ve dabbled with many different viewpoints, bringing things together where I’ve understand that to be possible and preferable for my own wellbeing and usefulness.
I have also looked at my own experiences from multiple points of view and various models of interpretation. One of the models I’ve found most useful (for me, at least) has been the Jungian model of the psyche…
“To produce a schizophrenic break you need to collapse the ego, preferably as rapidly as possible. There are different ways of defining the ego but I define it thusly: The ego is a structure of the personality that is made up of what we believe to be true about ourselves, others, the world around us, and our place in it. We form these beliefs as based on our relationships, our experiences, the roles we play and the activities we engage in. All of these combined, create our ego — which is, for most of us, our sense of who we are. I prefer to think of the ego in this regard as the little self.
When the ego collapses, fragments, or disintegrates, shadow and archetypal content floods in from the personal and collective unconscious. Those are Jungian terms and I use them because it’s the best model I’ve found thus far for explaining this experience to others. During psychosis, what is experienced, and what is seen by the people around you, are fragments of the collapsed ego (one’s shattered sense of self), shadow material (which produces fear, terror, paranoia, shame, etc.), and archetypal material, such as the sense that one is Jesus Christ, or Buddha, or God… or has just seen one of those figures get into a cab on 49th street.
Yet, each of those religious icons are also symbols of center which is where the larger Self resides. If you make it all the way through the unconscious to the center, for a little while at least, you don’t just “play” God, you are God because there is nothing left at that point to separate the I-from-The-Thou. Within an Eastern framework, this might be called Self-realization or God-realization. In the West, it’s called delusions of grandeur.” [Source]
I do agree that groundedness is helpful in these excursions, but there seems to come a point when the goal is groundlessness. In those moments, when all that is known has fallen away, one comes up against that which isn’t known — some people call this God, some call it the Mystery, some call it the Tao. There are many names for this One thing. The approach can be terrifying, transcendant, humbling, awe-inspiring but even these definitions fall away in the center and one is left only with the experience of Nothing… pregnant with the possibility of Everything. And so, you come to understand that Everything is Born of Nothing; that Light is Born out of Darkness… “In the beginning all was the void and all was black. God saw this and said ‘Let there be Light’. And there was.” [Source]
July 27th, 2006 at 3:43 pm
Again very thorough commenting, sources and all, so thanks. I’m not sure I’d agree with that last part, at least not in the way you describe it, as purposeful ungroundedness to me seems like losing yourself completely, away with the fairies stuff, and apart from being uncomfortable to be around and possibly being locked up for it, I don’t see it of being that much benefit. For me, peak mystical experiences such as these do need an element of groundedness, which I describe really as some semblence of awareness of the Small Self you are, even as you have experience of the Big Infinite Self (Tao, or God, say).
For in the end, we are what we are, and that’s a local consciousness. Yes, we can interpret it as actually being an infinite consciousness expressed at one point locally, but either way, in practical terms, we’re this person right here and now. We can fly around if we like, and it’s fun to enter the Void, not to mention extremely rewarding in terms of glimpses of True Natures and getting things in perspective, but we have to be able to bring it back and use it in our everyday lives, else what’s the point?
This really says everything about the way my own spiritual path and development has played out. I just don’t care much for peak experiences, or some ultimate enlightenment. I’m more about expressing and experiencing this little slice of the Greater Whole that I am as best I can, which more often than not means being practical and doing the mundane, even as I make efforts to spiritualize it.
I think in actual fact we may be speaking about similar things, only you speak of groundlessness as necessary for it, whereas I believe groundedness is necessary for it. I’m sure being very into Jung you appreciate the idea of intergration as being ultimate in terms of life purpose, so you’d too consider transcendent experiences that can’t be brought back to earth to be used as more dangerous than good.
I think then my idea of groundedness is also linked to the idea of expansiveness, and I think that’s a better way of looking at it when dealing with this idea here. Being grounded for me means being sure of yourself and so having more space and room for other things, so that one is not just experiencing the Small Self, but also the Great Whole as well, and without having a certain amount of stabilization about you, you’d soon start spilling things out everywhere, unable to process and integrate all that’s happening.
I don’t delve into these areas that much these days, so thanks for prompting some interesting thought and discussion. I would not have expected it when I first wrote the post.
July 27th, 2006 at 9:23 pm
Ah, such interesting discussion all right. There are such tricky things at play.
After all, how could we hope to understand the larger spiritual picture from our limited point of view?
Yet, how can we think that we are not already part of that all-encompassing picture?
Concepts of “here” and “there” don’t really seem to apply much. It was Lao Zi as well who reminded us that the name that can be spoken, isn’t the eternal name; the path that can be walked, not the eternal path. For to do either, to name or to trod, is to seperate one thing from another. In the end, isn’t -this- already the experience?
In the words of the Nac Mac Feegle: “Well, we’re all dead didn’tcha know? This is obviously heaven!”
July 28th, 2006 at 2:00 am
Lewis: For in the end, we are what we are, and that’s a local consciousness. Yes, we can interpret it as actually being an infinite consciousness expressed at one point locally, but either way, in practical terms, we’re this person right here and now … we have to be able to bring it back and use it in our everyday lives, else what’s the point?
I would very much agree. For me, “bringing it back” has involved (hopefully) expanding other people’s vision of the intent and purpose behind some forms of intense and altered states of consciousness”. Within this culture and setting my personal experience is considered to be a an “acute schizophrenic break”. In other cultures and settings these kind of experiences have other names: ego death; mysticism; gnosis; kundalini awakening; the dark night of the soul; transpersonal crisis; spiritual emergency; shamanic initiation; an alchemical process; the hero’s journey; the night sea journey; individuation, etc.
I think in actual fact we may be speaking about similar things, only you speak of groundlessness as necessary for it, whereas I believe groundedness is necessary for it.
Yes, I think we are speaking of similar things. There are many paths. Some take the slow and steady route; others are more rapid and dramatic — if one has the option, I recommend the slow and steady. Yet I think all paths also take you to that eventual point of groundlessness. You may dissolve into it and then come back, or you may dissolve into it never to leave again.
Paulo: After all, how could we hope to understand the larger spiritual picture from our limited point of view?
I suspect one way of doing so would be to remove the limited point of view from the picture. There are various methods of doing so: meditation; contemplation; sacred dance; ethnogens; ego collapse, yoga, trance, etc. Afterwards, when we are trying to pour our experience into words we may find that it can’t be done although metaphor seems to be the preferred method. Beyond that, there is silence.
Lewis: I think then my idea of groundedness is also linked to the idea of expansiveness, and I think that’s a better way of looking at it when dealing with this idea here. Being grounded for me means being sure of yourself and so having more space and room for other things, so that one is not just experiencing the Small Self, but also the Great Whole as well…
I define it as multidimensionality. It seems to me that there are multiple levels of existence (or perhaps, awareness) — not so much a “here” and “there” as a series of perspectives, interconnected and nested much like Matreska dolls. Whether that is “right” or “wrong,” I don’t know. I only know that’s where I am at with it right now.
Meantime, I wandered into this conversation, not because of the esoteric theme, but because your post came up in a search on “schizophrenia”. Many of those so labelled in the west are not truly schizophrenic at all but they have had a very powerful encounter with the numinous that is poorly understood and perhaps even more deeply feared. Our own culture is largely absent of the guides that could help others through what is both an intensely spiritual and very human experience. This task has mostly fallen to the field of psychiatry and its model of neurochemistry in which all experience can be reduced to a neurological response that can be manipulated with the correct balance of chemical compounds: neuroleptic medication; tie-down straps; lock-down wards; forced confinement; electroshock treatment — these can also be grounding experiences. A way of trying to contain the sacred and shove it into a box of our own making.
Anyway, it has been an interesting discussion. My thanks to both of you. Should either of you run into anyone who’s been through a transformative, possibly shattering, spiritual experience and is being labelled “mentally ill” as a result, feel free to share my blogs with them.
Spiritual Emergency
Spiritual Recovery
July 28th, 2006 at 11:29 am
Paulo: Yep. I agree. It’s all life after all, no real need to make distinctions (unless you enjoy it, of course). And, er, you’re quoting Terry Pratchett at me?
Spiritual_Emergency: Hehe, you know, when I saw your first comment I guessed that you’d stumbled across the article through searching for “schizophrenia”. You’ve certainly put forward a remarkably well balanced view of things, and it seems to me that it’s a good thing that there are guides like you who have been there and brought it back and integrated themselves so as to be able to help others going through similar things, especially at a time when people are all too often written off as lost causes mentally.
And yes, multi-dimensionality, the infinite possibility, these are the ways I consider life and the universe as well: layers and levels of consciousness and awareness, neither better or worse than others, just different.
And those painfully grounding experiences you spoke of, yes, often people are simply ill-equipped to deal with it, and so must resort to tying people down to the ground with no possibility of flying, when what we really all want is to be attached to the ground but still able to fly. I think of it as the difference between someone stapled to the ground directly, someone tethered to the ground by an infinitely long rope so as to move around freely, and someone untied to the ground (and so floating off endlessly never to return). Crude and possibly vague metaphors, but I hope they capture what I mean and can serve as a point of comparison to see where someone is.
Thanks again for your input, and these links to your site will be here for those interested to check out, and I will bear them in mind for the future.