The delightful sun,
So light, so bright;
It warms my eyes.

Spending too much time in the dark, we can grow really sensitive to light. The same is said for the light of our spirit. Those of us who are generally harsh and unkind in self-opinion, invariably have difficulty accepting compliments from others. The idea of being seen as good is painful, conflicting as it does with self-evaluation. Perhaps we know people who are like this, playing down any success they might have, or any talent they might possess. I have been one from time to time.

The only answer really, is to gradually overcome our sensitivity to light. If you’ve been in the dark, get outside, even if briefly. Put sunglasses on, at least you’re out in it. Keep your head down, it may not be the brightness of the sun or sky, but it’s light and colour down on the ground just the same. Give yourself a small compliment, accept mild praise, and gradually let go of your dependence on darkness. In time, it will not hurt to be out in the light. Your eyes will adjust. You’ll see yourself clearly.

Today I was in a charity shop, an impulse decision on the way home from the library, and I saw a Garfield book there for a mere 80p! Now, I know I can be a little too serious at times, a little too learning-orientated (at the cost of fun and play), but Garfield is just hilarious, and I love him so. Perhaps in his own unapologetic way, he teaches non-judgement of self, and as it turns out reading Garfield is learning after all, but it’s fun learning, and that makes all the difference. Work can be play, of course. Define them right, and work is play, as Paulo likes to say.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have anything smaller than a 10 pound note, and they had no change for me. Expressing my disappointment, I left it and began walking out, when a woman asked how much it was, and told me that she would buy it for me! I was overjoyed, and deeply grateful. I walked out feeling great about the world, hopeful about humanity, and that compassion and kindness do indeed exist.

One kind act tends to promote others, and by the end of my walk I’d picked up a fair bit of litter, doing a good turn as well. Not out of any sense of trying to even things up, but just a natural happening. I saw the litter and it seemed like the thing to do.

So, thank you kind stranger, and may the kindness multiply!

This particular feeling is one I consider to be very difficult to deal with. That ever-looming question “what shall I do now?” - You might choose something, play a game, go for a walk, whatever. But, you take that restless feeling with you, and whatever you do is boring and you don’t want to be doing it. It’s a kind of chronic dissatisfaction with whatever your life is, with whatever is in that moment for you.

So, out of options really, I just sat with the feeling, and discovered its depths. Today is a new weather day, the hottest and sunniest it’s been here for quite a while. With it, came different motivations. I wanted to get up and out right away this morning, so I went out for a walk in the sun. Lovely. I had a task to do, posting a letter, some purpose to the walk, and I noticed how locked into that purpose I was. This was not spontaneity of life, this was doing the task then coming right on home, back to base. But, I thought, why? Why come right home? It wasn’t as if I had anything to do when I got home. Habit, it seemed to me. The beginnings of the restlessness. I could see how restlessness prompts travel, anything to get out of the rut and inflexible thinking that can build up from time to time.

With such scope of life, why is it that we act in such a small range of ways, and have such a small amount of habitual tasks and actions that we do?

Perhaps there’s only one thing for it. If you’re stuck in a rut, get out of it.

Yesterday I had sushi at the new Yo! Sushi restuarant that opened up near me. My friend Rob and I sat at the conveyor belt, relishing the new experience of dining on raw fish and rice and wasabi, served on little plates which we grabbed as they went past us.

The danger with having them pass by in front of you constantly, is that unless you’re careful you find yourself looking out for something nice to come along, even as you’re eating something! An intense grass-is-greener feeling, I had to remind myself to focus on what I was eating and just let the conveyor belt go past, nice things would come around again, there’d be opportunties again, and if not, well, at least I’ve enjoyed what I’ve had to the utmost.

It seemed to me to be a strong metaphor for life. Most of us live this way, never really appreciating what we have because we’ve always got one eye out on the horizon, seeing what else we could have instead, seeing if something better will come along. We miss out on what we have, and we miss the point. If we’re never paying attention to what we’ve got, anything that seems better out on the horizon won’t be better once we have it, because again, we’ll be looking out there, for something even better, and won’t even notice as we gulp down another parcel of rice, er.. I mean life…